and i love him. i love him so much. from his messy hair in the morning to the mischief in his smile, i love him. i love the way we feel when there is no space between us, the way his chest rise and falls under my weight, the way he wraps my hand in his and plays with my fingers, everything about the way our bodies exist next to each other. but most of all i love his spirit, his soul and intellect. i love that he is different in all the right ways. i love that he has the world all figured out, as much as it can be, anyway. i love that he know what he wants—even if it’s not me—because he knows himself profoundly, better than the average person. i love that there isn’t a single thing he does that i can’t stand. in my eyes, he can do no wrong. and i don’t know how to fall out of love with someone like him. i don’t know how to lose the closest thing i have to a heart. but just like my heart, he’s so full of self-hatred and self-destructive tendencies and it kills me that he doesn’t care for himself as much as i do for him. i know one of these times, he’ll leave me for good. and i’m so terrified that the next girl he loves may not love him so deeply as i do. i’m so terrified she may not realize that there’s just so. much. about him to love. he’s so lovely in ways that he himself doesn’t even realize. and i’m terrified that after all this, i—much less her—may not be able make him love himself. and that’s the kind of tragedy that will kill.
the day’s about to end and i’ve gone through all 24 hours of it without the sight of your sea green eyes. if this isn’t pain, than i don’t know what is.